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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974705">Whole</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xo_marauders/pseuds/xo_marauders'>xo_marauders</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Coming Out, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, I love my two favorite gays, M/M, Sirius Black &amp; Marlene McKinnon Friendship, Sirius and Marlene bond, Sirius is having a gay panic if you squint, Sort Of, but i finished it a day late, happy national coming out day anyway, is this projecting?, love you all, that's a secret i'll never tell, this was for national coming out day</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:21:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,422</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26974705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xo_marauders/pseuds/xo_marauders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Marlene was walking around the grounds with her arms looped through Lily’s and Alice’s. The two girls were laughing at something funny that had happened in herbology that day, throwing their heads back as their giggles filled the air. Marlene stood between them, her heart racing just a little bit as she stared at two of her best friends, a secret on the tip of her tongue that she desperately wanted to say out loud. <br/>I’m gay. <br/>She wondered what would happen if she said it. Would they just keep laughing like nothing happened? Would they unhook their arms from hers and leave her behind? Would they accept her? <br/>“What do you think, Marls?” Alice said, bringing her out of her reverie. <br/>“Huh?” <br/>“About the quidditch game coming up. You’re on the team. You think we have a shot against Slytherin?” <br/>Alice and Lily looked at her expectantly. She swallowed, her secret being pushed to the side, and smiled. <br/>“Definitely.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, again not together yet, but still - Relationship, they're not together technically</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>happy national coming out day!<br/>this is a day late, but this fic is dedicated to anyone who has come out, who hasn't come out or whoever is still questioning. you are loved. you are valid. I am so proud of you &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Marlene was walking around the grounds with her arms looped through Lily’s and Alice’s. The two girls were laughing at something funny that had happened in herbology that day, throwing their heads back as their giggles filled the air. Marlene stood between them, her heart racing just a little bit as she stared at two of her best friends, a secret on the tip of her tongue that she desperately wanted to say out loud.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m gay. </em>
</p>
<p>She wondered what would happen if she said it. Would they just keep laughing like nothing happened? Would they unhook their arms from hers and leave her behind? Would they accept her?</p>
<p>“What do you think, Marls?” Alice said, bringing her out of her reverie.</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“About the quidditch game coming up. You’re on the team. You think we have a shot against Slytherin?”</p>
<p>Alice and Lily looked at her expectantly. She swallowed, her secret being pushed to the side, and smiled.</p>
<p>“Definitely.”</p>
<p>—</p>
<p>There was no one else in the common room except for the Quidditch team. James was pacing in front of the fireplace, going over the game plan while Marlene was sat on the couch between Gideon and Sirius. She looked around at her teammates—Frank was giving all of his attention to James, Gideon and Fabian were sharing mischievous looks as if they knew something the others didn’t, Emmeline was attempting to take notes, and Sirius had his eyes closed, probably having already heard the game plan James had made a million times before. Marlene sat stiffly, those words echoing in her mind once more.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m gay. </em>
</p>
<p>She wondered how her friends would respond. Would James kick her off the team? Would Emmeline become uncomfortable around her? Would they make jokes about her?</p>
<p>“Marlene, are you listening?” James’ voice brought her back to reality. His eyebrows were raised and his eyes filled with an intensity only quidditch could enact.</p>
<p>“Uh, yeah. Yes. Stay on the outskirts of the field and keep my eye out for the snitch.”</p>
<p>James nodded his approval and continued on. Marlene let out a sigh and forced herself to pay attention for the rest of her captain’s speech.</p>
<p>—</p>
<p>The library was nearly empty and so quiet. The soft sound of quills scratching on parchment was the only thing breaking up the silence. Marlene was sat across from Remus, one leg tucked under the other as she stared down at the blank page in front of her. She was supposed to be doing runes homework but she found her focus lost once again. There was no one else around. No one there to eavesdrop on any conversation. She glanced up to watch Remus as he wrote fervently and felt those words crawling up her throat again.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m gay.</em>
</p>
<p>She wanted to scream it at this point. It had been eating her up for so long and she just needed to say it out loud. But what would Remus do? Would he offer her a kind smile paired with a slab of chocolate? Would he pack up his things and leave?</p>
<p>“Remus?” She said suddenly, surprising herself. Remus glanced up, eyebrows slightly raised and an open expression on his face.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Marls?”</p>
<p>“Um…” She looked down at her parchment. “Do you know anything about ancient runes?”</p>
<p>Remus eyed her for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. Here, let me see the assignment.”</p>
<p>She passed over her book silently and listened as he explained the theory, nodding along even as her brain screamed at her.</p>
<p>—</p>
<p>Sirius was acting quieter than usual, Marlene thought. Though, so was she. Usually when they ran laps around the Black Lake they would chat a bit or try to race or something. But today they had both ran in silence, their breath coming out in small puffs. Now, as they sat at the edge of the lake, cooling down from their run, Marlene took in the quiet between them. Sirius seemed to have something on his mind. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but then would shut it and go back to picking at the grass near his feet.</p>
<p>Marlene felt her own mouth opening to speak, her body telling her to seize the opportunity.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m gay.</em>
</p>
<p>“I’m—” She paused.</p>
<p>Sirius looked up. “What was that Marls?”</p>
<p>“Oh, uh. I was just going to say that I’m…” <em>say it, just say it!</em> “tired. I’m tired.”</p>
<p>Sirius contemplated this a moment, and then nodded. Marlene went to get up and Sirius grabbed her wrist.</p>
<p>“I’m—” He paused for a moment. “I’m tired, too. Let’s walk back together.”</p>
<p>They walked back in silence, the loudness of their thoughts stifling any conversation they may have engaged in.</p>
<p>—</p>
<p>She was sitting alone in the astronomy tower, staring up at the dark sky. It was a bit cold, but she didn’t mind. It was refreshing almost, like a shock to her system. It helped her feel less numb. As Marlene stared at the sky, she felt those words creeping around her head again.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m gay. </em>
</p>
<p>She closed her eyes. Why couldn’t she say it? Why couldn’t she let herself be free? She knew it would help, knew that it would relieve whatever pressure had started to build on her shoulders, but something stopped her every time.</p>
<p>“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was up here.” A voice said. Marlene turned to see a girl with dark, curly hair standing at the edge of the doorway, a stunning but awkward smile appearing on her face. Marlene’s breath caught in her throat.</p>
<p>“It’s okay. I don’t mind the company.”</p>
<p>The girl beamed once more and took a seat next to Marlene.</p>
<p>“You’re Marlene, right? The Gryffindor seeker?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“I’m Dorcas. I’m one of the Ravenclaw prefects.”</p>
<p>“So, you know Lily and Remus then?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. They’re nice.”</p>
<p>The two of them fell into silence and Marlene looked at her feet.</p>
<p>“What brings you up here so late?” Marlene asked after a moment.</p>
<p>Dorcas shrugged. “I sometimes can’t sleep. Bit of an insomniac and my dorm mates don’t like when I pace around the room, so I come up here occasionally. What about you?”</p>
<p>“My mind won’t shut up.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” Dorcas raised an eyebrow. “What won’t it shut up about?”</p>
<p>Marlene stared at the girl sitting next to her, the soft smile on her face, the almost innocent wonder in her eyes, and she felt compelled to tell her. Maybe this was the opportunity she had been waiting for, a kind stranger to indulge her secret to. Someone to listen.</p>
<p>“I’m gay.”</p>
<p>For a moment, Marlene regretted it. She wanted to run and hide and hope that Dorcas forgets about the interaction altogether, but then…a sense of relief washed over her. She had said it. She had said it out loud, and no matter what reaction Dorcas gave her, Marlene finally <em>said it.</em></p>
<p>“Thank you for telling me, Marlene.” Dorcas said and Marlene looked up at her. She was smiling, genuinely and Marlene felt her heart flutter.</p>
<p>“I haven’t told anyone before. It was a secret.”</p>
<p>“I’m honored that you shared it with me.” Dorcas looked thoughtful for a moment, and then slid closer to her. “’Can I share a secret, too?”</p>
<p>Marlene nodded.</p>
<p>“I’m also gay. Well, half I guess. Bisexual. I like boys but I also like girls.”</p>
<p>Marlene grinned. “Thank you for telling me, Dorcas.”</p>
<p>The two girls smiled at one another, and Marlene suddenly felt like she wasn’t so alone. And maybe, just maybe, there were other kids, just like her and Dorcas, who were waiting for the opportunity to be open and honest. Marlene looked up at the sky just as a shooting star went by, and she wished so hard for those kids to get that opportunity soon, so they could finally feel as she did in that moment; whole.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"I loved your little fic of Marlenes coming out process, adored it! I got a hint Sirius was holding a secret of his own and maybe you could write something with Marls and Sirius having a conversation coming out to each other, sharing, realising they’re not alone? *kiss* no matter if you get to it thank you for your work"<br/>_<br/>ask and you shall recieve! </p><p>loved writing this, I hope you all enjoy it!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(marlene and sirius are besties, no i will not be taking criticism)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius was running harder today, his feet pounding harshly against the solid ground. No matter how hard Marlene tried to keep up she couldn’t. She paused, letting him continue to race ahead of her as she dropped her hands to her knees and gasped for air. It was a cool day, and the lake rippled slightly as the wind blew, continuing on to whistle through the trees. Winter was coming soon, which meant the three broomsticks would be serving hot chocolate on Hogsmeade weekends. She wondered idly if Dorcas would like to join her in having one.</p><p>
  <em>“Fuck!”</em>
</p><p>Marlene popped her head up at the sound of Sirius’ exclamation. He was sitting on the ground a few meters ahead, his long hair falling into his face as he slouched forward, one hand circling around his ankle. With one last deep breath, Marlene jogged towards him.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“My fucking ankle. I tweaked it last week when—” He paused. “I tweaked it last week and it’s still giving me issues.”</p><p>Marlene knelt down and gently took Sirius’ ankle her hand, feeling for some sort of tear or strain. He sat silently as she worked, which Marlene found quite suspicious. Sirius was, well, pretty dramatic most of the time and this subdued Sirius that had been appearing more and more lately was definitely starting to concern her.</p><p>“What sort of thing do you and the rest of you marauders do on those nights you sneak out to cause you to fuck up your ankle this bad?”</p><p>Sirius looked at her. “You know we sneak out?”</p><p>She shrugged. The truth was that Marlene only knew they snuck out because she had seen them last month when she was up in the astronomy tower, waiting to meet Dorcas. The two of them had started becoming closer and Marlene—though the very idea scared her—has started to have feelings for the other girl. She had yet to anything about these feelings, though. It was strange, maybe, but Marlene wanted to be <em>out</em> to her friends before attempting to start anything with Dorcas. What fun would it be if she couldn’t tell anyone about her?</p><p>Marlene looked at Sirius, who had resumed staring off into space. She frowned, suddenly feeling guilty about not catching onto his obviously distressed state earlier. How terrible a friend she must be for not noticing despite running with him nearly every day and sharing a common room with him.</p><p>“You were pushing yourself pretty heavily,” She said, taking out her wand and transfiguring a stick into some wrap to tie around Sirius’ ankle. “why is that? James tell you that you need to for Quidditch, or something?”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “Just stressed.”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>He looked up at her and Marlene could see the worn-down look in his eye. The genuine sadness there made her heart ache for him. It was not a look that belonged on Sirius Black’s face.</p><p>“Have you ever…felt alone?” He asked, and Marlene pretended not to notice the way his eyes filled with tears. She nodded.</p><p>“Well, that’s how I feel. I…I have a secret and I’m too afraid to say it out loud. I’m scared of what could happen if I do. Scared of being rejected, of losing my friends. Of losing Remus.”</p><p>Sirius said the last part softly, and Marlene got the feeling that she perhaps was not supposed to hear it at all. She stayed quiet for a moment, eyeing him, and wondering if maybe, just maybe, Sirius was like her.</p><p>“I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would make your friends turn their back on you, Sirius. Especially Remus.” Marlene said solemnly. He scoffed.</p><p>“You don’t know that.”</p><p>She thought for a moment, wondering what she should say next. She thought back to the past few weeks, about how desperately she wanted to confide in her friends, in Sirius, and how she too was scared of rejection. It was a terrible, feeling as though you could not share your most authentic self with your closest friends. She would not let Sirius feel that. Neither of them had to.</p><p>“Fine, I don’t know.” Marlene said. She reached out and took hold of his hand, prompting him to look at her. “What I do know is that I won’t turn my back on you. There is nothing you could say to me that is going to make me love you any less, Sirius. You’re one of my best friends and I care about you too much to let anything come between that.”</p><p>Tears fell from Sirius’ lashes and he shook his head. “You don’t know—”</p><p>“Try me.”</p><p>He sucked in a breath, trying to compose himself before whispering into the wind so softly that Marlene almost missed it.</p><p>“I’m gay.”</p><p>Marlene smiled at him, recognizing the look of relief in his eyes, even as the fear lingered. She remembered that feeling, remembered the support she had received from Dorcas and she wanted to give that to Sirius. With her arms wide open, Sirius fell into them, crying in earnest now, and she held onto him tightly.</p><p>“Please don’t hate me, Marls.” He whimpered and Marlene had to bite back tears of her own.</p><p>“Oh, Sirius. Never. I could never hate you.” She laughed slightly. “Besides, it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to hate you for being gay when I’m a lesbian.”</p><p>Sirius pulled back, looking at her with wide eyes. “You’re—”</p><p>“Into girls? Yes.”</p><p>Sirius opened his mouth, stunned for a moment, before punching her lightly in the shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”</p><p>“I wanted to! I almost did like ten times! C’mon, you know how intimidating it is!”</p><p>They laughed, their tears turning into those of joy as they embraced each other once more. Marlene felt like she could breathe again. Coming out to Sirius made it seem more real, made her feel even more empowered than she was before when it was just a secret between her and Dorcas. She wondered if she would continue to feel like this the more people she told. Lily and Alice would be supportive, there was no doubt in her mind. She would tell them tonight. She would tell James and the rest of the team during practice. Surely they would be happy for her before James made them promptly get back to work. She would tell Remus in the library where they studied. He would probably nod his head and offer a small smile, thanking her for being so honest.</p><p>“You should tell your friends.” Marlene whispered.</p><p>“You should, too.”</p><p>She pulled back from their hug, smiling her watery smile.</p><p>“Let’s do it together.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading!<br/>comments and kudos are always appreciated<br/>come chat with me on tumblr @xomarauders</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! <br/>comments and kudos are always appreciated <br/>come chat with me on tumblr @xomarauders</p></blockquote></div></div>
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